i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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