how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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