If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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