This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
