would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
