I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
