Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was like his penis was on wheels.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im part way to drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
