sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
