If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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