My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
