I wanna bring you to show and tell
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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