if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
