If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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