Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.