just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.