I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like