I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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