WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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