Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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