ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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