Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
