Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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