just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
