I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
