:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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