My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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