the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
