Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
