how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
