I cockslap morals
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
