i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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