he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
