I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
