in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
