so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
