Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
