Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
