Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
