im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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