You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
