If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
