We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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