she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
