Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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