I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize