Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
