last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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