i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
don't judge my taste in strippers
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
