How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
