So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
