i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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