We're facebook friends in real life
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
