what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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