your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
