i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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