i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
