and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
