This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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