yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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