A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
