For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
