i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
