Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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