oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
