so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
