well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
