Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
