I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
