I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
