we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
