shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
