she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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