Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
