Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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