So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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