Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
