And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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