You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
