when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
